Build confidence

Why making mistakes is a good thing

Do you speak with confidence?

#SpeakWithConfidence
Today I want to talk about confidence. Do you stay quiet in English language meetings? Do you avoid people just because you are afraid that they will speak to you in English? Are you scared that you won’t understand them, or worse, they won’t understand you?
Yes?
Me too, but in French!

I sympathise. But you need to remember that this feeling is normal for the vast majority of students. Everyone is afraid of making a mistake in front of their colleagues, their friends, their boss! But we need to change this.


Imagine this conversation:
A- “Hello, how are you today?”
B- “I’m fine thank you, and you?”
A- “Yeah, not too bad. I’m getting worried about the latest project though. It’s difficult to find enough time to dedicate to the new project when I still have work to do on the last one. What about you?”
B- “Er, sorry. I didn’t understand everything. Could you repeat that please, but slowly? I’m still learning English.”
A- “Oh, of course. I just mean that it’s difficult to find time for the new project.”
B- “Oh yes. I agree.”

Do you think person B is weak, stupid or useless because they asked person A to repeat what they said? Of course not.


But what if person B had been too afraid to say they didn’t understand:
A- “Hello, how are you today?”
B- “I’m fine thank you, and you?”
A- “Yeah, not too bad. I’m getting worried about the latest project though. It’s difficult to find enough time to dedicate to the new project when I still have work to do on the last one. What about you?”
B- “Er, yes?” (not sure what to say, so just says yes and hopes that's the right answer!)
A- “And you?”
B-“er………...”


So now the problem is that because they did not say that they didn’t understand the long sentence, they don’t know how to answer the next question. It all becomes very awkward. Person B gets flustered and becomes more afraid to speak in future because they feel stupid and inadequate. It is all so unnecessary.

You must tell someone if you don’t understand. You would do it in your native language, so why not in the language you’re learning? What are you afraid of? Do you think the other person will get angry or frustrated with you? They won’t.

Say something like, “Sorry, I didn’t understand you. Could you slowly repeat that please?”

If you are in a meeting or on a conference call and you have English as your second or third language, it is the responsibility of the fluent speakers to make sure that everyone in the meeting understands them. As a native speaker, when I have conversations with people who are less fluent than me, I slow down my speech, I enunciate, I am careful about my intonation, I avoid sarcasm. I ask people “Did you understand that? Was that clear? Do you need me to repeat anything?” It is critical that everyone understands. Never leave a meeting where you think, “What was that all about?”

If you don’t understand, it is not your fault. You are learning and in the process of becoming fluent. The speaker should make sure everyone understands them.

How can you build confidence to speak?

It’s one thing to have the confidence to ask someone to speak more slowly or to repeat something but it’s quite another to have the confidence to be the main speaker or start a conversation. It’s because we are afraid to make mistakes.

Remember this: mistakes are GOOD; mistakes are how we learn; we learn from our mistakes.
#WeLearnFromMistakes

Have you ever had a conversation, made mistakes, and afterwards thought to yourself:

“Why did I say……….?” or maybe “Why didn’t I say ……...?”

But you think about the conversation later and remember the mistake, so that next time you have a similar conversation, you say it correctly. You learn from that mistake. But it means you must be willing to make mistakes in the first place!

The only way to build your confidence and not be afraid to make mistakes during conversation, is to have actual conversations. Have as many conversations as possible. Make mistakes, learn from them, have more conversations. Mistakes don’t matter. People will still understand you if you use the wrong tense, or you don’t know exactly the right word and have to use different words or phrases to explain yourself.

Think about this: if you were having a conversation in your native language with someone learning your language, when they make a mistake do you make fun of them or tell them they’re stupid or that they’ll never be able to speak your language? Of course not. You probably think, “Wow. It’s great that they’re learning my language. Well done to them for trying.”

And that’s what English speakers think about you. Well done.

Each conversation will bring you a step closer to fluency.
#FluencyIsNotPerfection

Fluency is not about being perfect, it’s about speaking effortlessly,easily, and comfortably. Remember that native speakers make mistakes when they speak! Mistakes are not bad things. They help us learn. Do not be afraid of them. Over time, the mistakes will reduce and your fluency will grow.

Let me help you gain more confidence when you speak. I can coach you for more confident conversations, presentations, meetings.

Contact me for conversational English: both general and business.